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Of Births & Deaths - My birthday was one week ago last Monday on March 24. It was a landmark birthday, a birthday of deep reflection. I had the day off from work and I asked anyone who wanted to celebrate with me to please donate to my friends in Gaza. I did not get much sleep the night before, up too late, too worried, too much happening. After answering my morning messages from friends in Gaza, I tried to rest for a couple of hours. When I awoke and checked my phone, it was only to learn about the targeted killing and murder of beloved journalist, beloved son of Beit Hanoun, Hossam Shabat. Another journalist assassinated, another strong voice targeted, another beloved Palestinian gone, taken through extreme cruelty, brutality, and violence.

The shock, the grief, the overwhelming emotion felt and expressed by so many filled the day. I thought about the ways in which compounded grief can build and consume, triggering more memories of other losses, releasing unprocessed and ongoing traumas, and causing buried emotions to resurface as though the wounds are still new and fresh.

My birthday was a day of sadness, mourning, and grief. And it was also a day of deep appreciation and profound gratitude. I spent the day trying to raise more support for fundraisers to support families in Gaza, and I also received the most thoughtful and generous messages, photos, wishes and greetings from friends in Gaza, and from allies around the world. Messages, photos, words that touched my heart and soul on the deepest possible level. And I thought about how strange it is this world can simultaneously hold such contradictions and oppositions. How can it be a home to people who are so generous, so thoughtful, so kind and loving, and at the same time there exists people who are capable of committing and supporting horrific violence and cruelty? 

My birthday wish last Monday is one that I still have today: it is for us to do everything we can to support the people in Gaza who are trying survive, as we also do anything & everything to end the genocide & the occupation. May Palestine be free. May all oppressed people everywhere be free. May there be justice. May this  world be transformed. 

Every moment that passes and we are not able to stop this, we lose more loved ones, more lives, more universes, more possibilities of promising futures. And these losses are not just devastating to us and to the world, they are compounded by more trauma and grief. Immeasurable losses. Bottomless caverns of grief.

Everything was already urgent and dangerous because of Israel’s most recent illegal blockade that began on March 2, which cut off access to food, water, medicine, fuel, and urgently needed supplies of every kind. Despair was already widespread and life was already too hard. But with the return of the extreme violence and bombing, everyone is now also back to living in constant fear and danger, while also trying to survive the harshest and most extreme living conditions. 

People are back to trying to soothe their children and babies who cry as the bombs fall. Back to trying to dig out their friends and families from beneath the rubble of what collapsed structures remain with their bare hands. Back to not sleeping, not being able to rest, never being able to relax. Back to daily near-death experiences while also mourning the loss of more loved ones and wondering who will be next. 

There are not enough hospitals or medical staff to help the sick and wounded, and what there is are not easily accessible, not stocked, and staffed by medical workers who are also severely fatigued and traumatized. Food supplies are running low and the violence only worsens. The World Food Program has warned that backstock of any remaining food supplies will run out in a little over a week. Today bakeries in Gaza are announcing their closures due to lack of flour. Hunger and malnutrition are causing serious health problems, and the constant stress from living in extreme danger is taking a toll on people's hearts, minds, and physical bodies. We are running out of time, time we already did not have. 

Yesterday I wrote and posted an update to the fundraiser page for my friends Yanis and his wife and their sweet son Mahdi. In it I explained that despite the constant danger and harsh living conditions: 

"Yanis and his family are doing everything they can to take care of each other, to survive, to find and create moments of relief and joy in the midst of the suffering. Today is Eid, and many in Gaza have been calling it the 'Eid of sadness.' Yanis and his wife have tried to make it special for their sweet son Mahdi, but there is a heaviness in their hearts as many children were targeted and massacred by Israeli forces this morning.

The grief is immeasurable, and for parents especially, their grief is accompanied by a fear and worry of what will happen next, and how they can provide protection for their children when everything is out of their control, and people are targeted no matter where they are. Yanis and his family had a very frightening experience just yesterday when the tent next to theirs was bombed, and as Yanis explained, 'Death and I are neighbors.' The reality is, there is no safe place in Gaza."

Everything we do matters, and nothing we have done has been enough. We must keep doing all we can to support the people trying to survive, while also doing everything we can to end this. I don't know what it will finally take. I don't know that anyone does. But the more of us who are trying, the closer we are to finding out. 

We must do more, and we must do it now. This urgency cannot be overstated. 

[Image Information: Original image and text graphic can be found online at Al Jazeera: https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2025/3/24/al-jazeera-journalist-killed-in-israeli-strikes-in-northern-gaza]

Whatcom Coalition for Palestine - Info Table at Local Event

I will be at the at the "Skill Up & Connect for Community" event, along with some other folks from the Whatcom Coalition for Palestine, on Saturday March 22, 2025. 

We will have information about upcoming events, craft items for sale to support donations for families in Gaza, and information about ways to get involved. 

March 22 from 2:30 to 6:00 p.m. Bellingham Unitarian Fellowship 

"We are living in a nightmare."

MARCH 16, 2025

There have been so many mornings after long nights of troubled sleep these past eighteen months when I have started my day thinking this was it--this would finally be the moment, the thing, the time the world would awaken and together do what is necessary to end this injustice, to stop this violence, to try to begin to put right so many wrongs which have left permanent scars and mountains of grief that will never be fully processed.

How I have been wrong so many times. How my heart has broken with each wrong day.

With Israel's continue violation of the ceasefire agreement, and constant flagrant violations of every international and humanitarian law, conditions in Gaza continue to be dangerous as they find ways to extend their genocidal attacks on the Palestinian people.

Military aggression and the sadistic violent targeting of people as they try to survive have increased. Since the very beginning of the ceasefire implementation, Israeli forces have continued their attacks, intermittently firing upon or bombing individuals with drones, killing approximately three Palestinians per day. The use of drones to create a permanent sense of danger and threat is also common, as they hover above tents and play threatening messages when people are trying to rest.

Israel's most recent total blockade of trucks and supplies, which began on March 2, means Palestinians in Gaza are suffering from extreme hunger and ill health, as conditions worsen by the minute. How we have allowed this to continue defies comprehension.

 
These past two weeks have been very very difficult. The water crisis has only grown more dire, with Israel cutting power to the last remaining desalination plant this week. Food prices have skyrocketed, and people are forced to survive on canned food with low nutritional content, which exacerbates chronic health problems, especially for those already suffering from high blood pressure. Which also means new health ailments and diseases are becoming increasingly widespread. And because it is Ramadan, people are fasting, which means there is also great suffering from not having enough food after fasting for 16 hours at a time.

Everyone I talk with is exhausted. Everyone is weary. Many are sick. And no one knows when this will end. And all of this suffering, hardship, and danger is not the result of a natural disaster which cannot be controlled– it is a deliberate, human-made crisis being intentionally inflicted to cause harm.

When I spoke with a friend on Friday, and I asked how he was, he said he was fine. He always tries to reassure me, never wanting me to worry. I responded that I was glad he was fine, but that I also understood that nothing was fine, that everything was difficult. And that was when he finally said:

"We are living in a nightmare. We hope it ends quickly, because this is not life."

[This animated image above includes some of the words shared with me by the families in Gaza who I am closest to.]

The pain of seeing others suffer and not being able to stop it is different from the pain of living through the suffering first-hand. But it is still a pain that binds us, and it drives my every action, hope, and prayer. I have stepped up all my efforts to raise funds because it is the main thing I can do to help right now. I am talking to everyone I can. I am selling anything I have of value. I am planning more fundraisers. Every day I seek out more ways to do more and to reach more people. I share this with you not to center myself–I hope the focus will always be on the families in Gaza who are trying to survive–I share it because I want you to understand how the support you have given is important. It is making a difference. It is helping. And it is needed. Anything you can do or give right now is needed.

The families I am talking with every day are living in a nightmare which feels never-ending, a nightmare from which they hope to awaken. A nightmare that would end if we could wake up those in this world who are still too asleep to understand and stop what is happening.

Please don't stop talking about Gaza, don’t stop giving your support. And if you haven't started yet, please start now. Bring this awareness with you to every space you are in. Give as much as you can afford to give. Lives literally depend on it, and we have a duty and responsibility to support those who are trying to survive, especially when we have been unable to stop what is being done to them.

To Palestinian Students & Educators

MARCH 9, 2025

This post is dedicated to Fadi, Majd, Mohammed, Muhammad, Arkan, Mahmoud, Ibrahim and his siblings, (including Shahd), Wassim, Ibrahim, Samah, and the student collective who created the #WeHaveToStudy24 hashtag campaign. And to all the other Palestinian students and educators. And to Columbia University student Mahmoud Khalil, and the student movement for Palestinian Justice in the U.S. and throughout the world, whose voices will not be silenced.

Every day I think about the students in Gaza. I think about the teachers. The educators. The professors, administrators, and staff of the schools, colleges, and universities in Gaza. Those who have been killed by Israel, and those who are still alive but whose school and university buildings have been destroyed. Those whose education and careers have been violently disrupted or ended. Those who are still trying to learn and to teach despite the ongoing genocide.

During last week’s presentation, I talked a little about scholasticide in Gaza, and I also shared the stories of one student and two educators who I am personally connected to and am trying to raise funds for. I think about the three of them constantly, and I speak with them often. But I know there are also many many more students and educators who I did not talk about, who are also in need of recognition and support.

In December 2024 I wrote:

“I have seen students in Gaza study by flame and torch light in the midst of falling bombs; students giving their thesis presentations in makeshift tents, wandering the destroyed streets after searching all day for water and food to now search for a signal so they can take their final exams. And I wonder, what world am I living in where no institution of higher education in the country I reside has expressed any public support for these students, nor any condemnation of the genocide and violence the U.S. government is funding and making possible?”

I also wrote how I could not understand why educators, college and university staff members, teachers, professors, and school administrators everywhere, all over the world, were not doing more for our colleagues in Palestine. Nearly every university and college building in Gaza has been destroyed, and the lack of response to this scholasticide from our educational institutions–or rather not just the lack, but in some cases the overt and violent suppression by educational institutions against students, staff, and faculty who are speaking out--is yet another example of how the United States has failed the Palestinian people, and the world.

And with today’s news of the arrest and forced disappearance of the Columbia University student Mahmoud Khalil here in the United States, I will add that I also do not understand why educators, college and university staff members, teachers, professors, and school administrators in this country are not doing more to support Palestinian students and allies, no matter where they reside.

Palestine has been renowned for years as having one of the highest literacy rates in the world, and as being a place where education and reading are valued, supported, and highly esteemed. Education is integrated into Palestinian culture, heritage, and identity. Which is why Israel (with the support of the United States government) has always targeted it.

Quoting from the a statement published by the Scholars Against the War on Palestine, ‘Scholasticide’ is a term that was first coined by Professor Karma Nabulsi, who conceptualized it in the context of the Israeli assault on Gaza, Palestine in 2009, but also with reference to a pattern of Israeli colonial attacks on Palestinian scholars, students, and educational institutions going back to the Nakba of 1948, and expanding after the 1967 war on Palestine and the 1982 invasion of Lebanon.

“The term combines the Latin prefix schola, meaning school, and the Latin suffix cide, meaning killing. Nabulsi used it to describe the ‘systematic destruction of Palestinian education by Israel’ to counter a tradition of Palestinian learning. That tradition, Nabulsi observed, reflected the enormous ‘role and power of education in an occupied society’ in which freedom of thought ‘posits possibilities, open horizons,’ contrasting sharply with ‘the apartheid wall, the shackling checkpoints, [and] the choking prisons.’. Recognizing 'how important education is to the Palestinian tradition and the Palestinian revolution,’ Nabulsi noted that Israeli colonial policymakers ‘cannot abide it and have to destroy it.’ During the latest Israeli genocidal war on Gaza, Palestine in 2023/2024, scholasticide has intensified on an unprecedented scale.”

According to a UN Report published in April 2024, more than 80% of the schools in Gaza have been severely damaged or destroyed, amounting to what appears to be a deliberate effort to destroy the Palestinian education system. This ‘scholasticide’ also refers to the targeting of teachers, students and staff, and the destruction of educational infrastructure. That same report explains,

“After six months of military assault, more than 5,479 students, 261 teachers and 95 university professors have been killed in Gaza, and over 7,819 students and 756 teachers have been injured – with numbers growing each day. At least 60 percent of educational facilities, including 13 public libraries, have been damaged or destroyed and at least 625,000 students have no access to education. Another 195 heritage sites, 227 mosques and three churches have also been damaged or destroyed, including the Central Archives of Gaza, containing 150 years of history. Israa University, the last remaining university in Gaza was demolished by the Israeli military on 17 January 2024.”

We need to do more, especially those of us who work in higher education in the U.S. And if you are reading this and that applies to you, and you are wondering what to do, how to respond, what we should be asking for, please read the Unified Emergency Statement by Palestinian Academics and Administrators of Gaza Universities, and then review their listed priorities for clarity and guidance. And while you are doing that, please also support the students and educators in Gaza through direct aid and donations.

 

Follow-Up to 'Eight Families in Gaza' Event + An Update

MARCH 7, 2025

Last weekend I gave a presentation for the "Eight Families in Gaza: Amplifying Their Voices" event, offered in affiliation with the Whatcom Coalition for Palestine. I remain grateful to the families who shared so generously shared their photos, their words, their writing, their videos, and their voices. Everything I presented during this event was developed in collaboration with members of the families who were featured, and it was shared with their permission and blessing.

I have the deepest respect for these families. While I know my presentation was not enough to do them justice, and while I wished to center them, what I shared was also filtered through my own personal feelings and experiences. But I still hope that it brought these families closer to all of us, that the attendees came away from the program changed by what they saw and heard, and that local support for these families and for Palestinian justice will only grow stronger.

Thank you to everyone who attended and supported the event, and also to those who made financial gifts to the families. It was heartening to hear from those who passed their support on to me to disperse, and also to see familiar names on the donor pages over the following days. And with the increasingly dire and dangerous conditions created by Israel's continued violation of the ceasefire agreement and international & humanitarian law, combined with their increased military aggression and violence, what was already an overwhelming challenge to find and secure food, water, medicine, and basic necessities has only intensified.

Israel has completely blocked trucks and supplies from entering into Gaza, which means there is once again a severe fuel and food shortage. Prices have skyrocketed and continue to rise. The donations made by event attendees after Sunday's event are helping people get through this terrible week. Currently the families I am in direct contact with are struggling, trying to take things one day at a time, but despair is getting harder to repel.

Ramadan started last weekend, and there is often not enough food to adequately sustain them when they are able to break their fast. They are mainly forced to rely on often canned food with low nutritional value purchased at high prices. They are hungry and exhausted, and without adequate shelter, and there has recently been a serious flu outbreak that has affected many. And with the continued uncertainty, when experience has only shown them that with time conditions worsen, hope is getting harder and harder to find or feel.

Tomorrow I am sending a transfer of funds to the two families whose campaigns I personally host and manage, and then I will begin again more attempts to raise more support to help them get through the next week. And all the while I hope and pray for an end to Israel's illegal and immoral blockade and their use of forced starvation and collective punishment as yet another way to escalate their genocidal attacks on Palestinians in Gaza.

During last weekend's event Q & A following the presentation, it became clear that there is also an interest in learning more about various grassroots groups, programs, and initiatives led by Palestinians in Gaza which we can support. I explained how direct aid is what is most urgently right now, and that donating to NGOs won't have the impact that is being requested from people in Gaza, but there are a number of Palestinian-led collectives, campaigns, and projects doing critical work.

I have created a page which lists some of the groups and projects I am most familiar with and know the most about, and I also try to promote awareness about them on social media, and support their work financially when I can.

I share this now as a follow-up to last weekend, and to thank everyone again for the support. I thank the families in Gaza who so generously shared with me, and I thank everyone who came to and helped with the event. And those who made donations to the families who were featured. And I also thank you for reading this, and for your desire to figure out what more you can do, and your commitment to action.

Upcoming Event in Bellingham: "Eight Families in Gaza: Amplifying Their Voices"

 

Sunday, March 2, 2025 / Presentation from 1:30 to 2:30 p.m. 

Optional  Q&A & Discussion Following the Presentation, 2:30 to 3:00 p.m. 

In-Person Event -  "Eight Families in Gaza: Amplifying Their Voices."

Bellingham Public Library Lecture Room (Central Branch)

Event Description: A presentation offering an opportunity to learn about eight families in Gaza who are connected to a local community member (Clarissa) who has received permission to share their stories, words, photos, and other media. This is an opportunity to learn more about their lives, loves, and challenges, and to find out more about ways you can offer meaningful and direct support to Palestinians in Gaza.

(This event is affiliated with the Whatcom Coalition for Palestine and is  not sponsored by the Bellingham Public Library).

An Urgent Update & Request for Action

FEBRUARY 2, 2025

In a way this isn't an update, because what I am sharing is nothing new. And the urgency I feel and speak of also isn't new. But it continues to grow, second by second, minute by minute, hour by hour.

 
So think of this as more of a reminder, an emphatic expression of urgency, of our required commitment, of our shared responsibility, and of reaffirming my own resolve to do more, say more, share more, in the hopes that the changes that are long overdue will come. And that they will come soon.

 
The destruction and devastation in Gaza is unlike anything I have ever seen before in my life. And the images and videos and descriptions cannot compare to the physical experience of being there and trying to live through this, trying to survive among the ruins and the rubble, trying to breathe through the dust and the dirt, trying to find life amidst death and deprivation. Trying to keep going despite the overwhelming sense of abandonment sinking like a heavy cloud atop the harshness of the material conditions of the genocide. A dark and heavy cloud of abandonment, which also continues to thicken.

This week has been filled with messages from and conversations with people who returned to what had once been their neighborhoods only to discover there is nothing left of the streets, the buildings, the homes they once knew. No shelter, no water, no fuel, no food, no supplies, no support. Blown up ruins and bulldozed remains. Skeletons of animals and of people. Unrecognizable landscapes. Destroyed vegetation. The color grey and poisoned air.

People have been searching through the rubble of their homes and buildings with their bare hands, trying to salvage anything when very little is salvageable. They collect the remains of loved ones, and build graves for those they mourn but have yet to find. They walk for miles to try and find the smallest amount of water, which if they are able to secure is still not enough to meet their needs, and is often of unclean quality.

There is currently a water crisis in Gaza, a water crisis worse than any before, which is saying something because even when times were "better," there was still not enough water. But now it is a true crisis, a crisis in every sense of the word. And crisis might be even too soft a word. Crisis as a descriptor does not do justice to the severity of the situation. And there is also a fuel crisis, which exacerbates the water crisis, since what water there is needs to be transported by truck.

The cost of digging a single well is $3000, and families are trying to raise the funds for doing this themselves, while Gaza's Municipality is asking the international community for support which has yet to materialize. The promised aid is not coming through, and mutual aid crowdfunding donations have slowed considerably since the "ceasefire" began.

What food comes in must still be purchased. And Israel continues to block the entry of tents, shelters, portables, and caravans. In addition to being yet another violation of the terms of the "ceasefire agreement," the immorality, cruelty, and depravity of Israel, the United States, and any government that supports the continuation of these violations and injustices defies comprehension.

I have spent these past three days answering messages from the families I regularly talk with, from the moment I wake up and until I try to sleep, trying to offer some support and answer questions, trying to be there for them emotionally, grateful to connect with them, happy to hear their voices. All the while I know that anything I can provide is not enough and is also far less than they deserve. I keep trying to send words of support, to let them know we have not forgotten them.

But today I had a video call with one person I have grown very close to and he asked me, "Where is the world? Where is humanity?" And I did not have an answer. The urgency and despair is growing each day, and time is not something we can spare. Here are more of my friend's words:

"We live from the lack of death. No one knows how we live and the extent of the suffering we go through. Nobody feels us here. I am unable to buy diapers or milk for the baby and food for ourselves. We have no house to live in. What kind of life is this? Please, let people know about the water. If you try to convey the extent of the suffering, please convey these basic things. I am so tired of this life. We are exhausted."

As I try to get more material support for the Palestinians in Gaza who I am personally committed to, I always ask for their permission to share their words and information before I share them with anyone myself. It is important to me that I amplify their voices whenever I try to use my own, and that I always do it respectfully and in a way that honors their wishes. When I spoke with another friend about this recently, this is what he shared:

"Please go ahead and share everything I have shared with you. Make my voice heard; let people know how we are suffering, how we spend hours in line waiting for food and water. Tell them that we walk more than ten minutes in the middle of the night to reach the bathroom, only to stand in line for an hour to take our turn. Tell them our toes and noses turn blue at night from the cold that makes them numb. Tell them that parents stand speechless when their children ask for food...Let them know we are good people, but war has been hard on us—harder than enough. I have lost my home, my belongings, my relatives, my friends, my memories, and above all, my dreams."

I share this here and now as one more way in one more place, in the hopes that it will lead to something, some sort of support for the people in Palestine who deserve so much more. Some kind of shift to change the conditions which have allowed what should have never been allowed to happen. Some sort of connection yet to be made. And I will keep looking for and finding more places to do this. And I hope you will too.

If you have been waiting to act, thinking you need to learn more, thinking you do not know what to do or where to start, feeling overwhelmed by everything, I beg you to please release those barriers which only hold you back, and which prevent you from doing something now.

There is so much to be done. The world needs all of us. And if you are in a position to help materially, please do so now. This urgency cannot be overstated.

______________________________________________________________________________

Below is a list of links to some mutual aid crowdfunding campaigns for people and groups I am personally committed to and have been trying to support. If you are also in a position to donate to any or all of these, I will be forever grateful. And I know for a fact your donation will have an impact.

And if you would like to send funds to me to donate on your behalf, please email me at clarissjanae@gmail.com.

• Light a Candle Amidst Darkness Surrounding Majd, the Gazan
• Help Abeer & Her Family Rebuild
• Help Ashraf Develop His Source of Income to Survive in Gaza
• Help Tamer & His Family to Survive in Gaza
• Help the Hamad Family Survive & Rebuild Their Lives
• Help Mohammad & His Family Survive
• Help Aboud Survive & Look After My Family
• Help Fadi Support His Family & Rebuild Their Lives in Gaza
• Cruelty-Free Kitchen
• North and Central Gaza: Food, Water, Diapers + Milk, Medical Aid